How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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