I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
