he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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