The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i love accidental penises.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
