Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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