She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
