there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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