So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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