i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
one might say we're banned from that church
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
