Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
