This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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