Don't make out with my wife yet
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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