Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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