hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
