you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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