don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize