Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
