i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
