i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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