I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The struggles of a small town man whore
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
