My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
50% drunk capacity currently
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
last night I used snow as a chaser
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
