Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
