and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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