You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
