If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That accounts for only three of the penises
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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