morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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