He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
