dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
