how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
