Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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