I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
