I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
