So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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