I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
