i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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