I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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