I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
