girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He passed out mid-signature
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
