She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
