honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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