i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
