Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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