So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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