you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize