idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
