I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
