Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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