May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
