she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
