I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
