I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
