We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
