Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
