please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
