so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
