I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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