we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
