I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
