WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
her vagine was all disorganized.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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