Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
