It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i've created a new STD.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
