you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
