Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
