i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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