you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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