so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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