he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
they need to just BURY HIM!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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