he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
