her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
